21 Apr remember {111/365}

February 4/1934 – April 21/2005

Five years ago today, I lost my Mom.

I held onto her and told her she could go. I told her it was okay.

She died in my arms.

I had no idea at the time just how damaging that experience would be and how it would turn my world inside out. The heartbreaking grief of losing her was made almost unbearable by the constant replaying of that scene, over and over again in my head. For years.

And still to this day.

Knowing in my head and my heart that there was nowhere else I would’ve wanted, needed, to be at that moment in time did little to erase the almost soul destroying fallout.

It’s been a hard five years. A very long road. And those that know me, know that I didn’t walk it very well.

But here I am.

Stronger.

Smarter.

And possibly a better woman for it.

I love you Mom, and miss you every single day.