09 Sep silence {36/52}

Tuesday of this week was back to school day around here.

Grade 12. My girl is in grade 12 this year.

I keep telling myself that, over and over in my head, but it still doesn’t seem real, y’know? How in the world is she in grade 12 already? Wasn’t she in grade six just yesterday, wearing pigtails to the bus stop?

I never was one of those parents who looked forward to the first day of school. I liked the lazy summer months together, where the days would bring whatever we wanted them to bring. Back in her younger years I was a single Mom and worked nights in order to be home with her during the day, and later, when she toddled off to school, I made sure I was always here when she got home. Not many parents are lucky enough to be able to do that, and not many single moms have that luxury. I call it a luxury, but I worked damn hard for that luxury and I have the permanent dark shadows under my eyes to prove it.

So yeah, the silence of the days when she was away was never really welcome (even if the extra little bit of sleep was).

This year? This whole grade 12 thing?

I keep wondering about the silence ahead.

For as much as I’d like to hide my head in the sand and pretend she’ll always be here, there’s a day in my not too distant future when she’ll be heading off on her own. And I still see her, that very first day of school, getting on the bus with her little lunch bag in hand, cheerfully waving bye-bye to her Mommy. Off on an adventure to be sure.

Still so many adventures ahead. I’m excited for her. Worried, nervous and yes, sad … but excited for her.

And I’m dreading the silence.

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