26 Feb on birthdays {9/52}
When I was (a little bit) younger, used to be that I’d absolutely LOVE my birthday. I’d have a full on birthday week. All birthday, all the time. Party, party, party.
And then I got (a little bit) older, and birthdays started to take on a new meaning. It meant another year older, more wrinkles, more hair dye … you get it, right? Birthdays – ugh.
But this year, well, things are different. I’m re-evaluating my stance on birthdays.
Since this time last year, I’ve
- been diagnosed with Cancer
- had a complete hysterectomy
- started chemo
- lost my hair
- finished chemo
Quite a year, right?
On February 8th, I did my last session of chemotherapy. I had a CT scan last week and won’t have the results of that until later in March, but by all accounts – dare I say it? – things look pretty damn good.
This year, I am quite grateful to see another birthday. I am beyond thankful to just be here.
Forty-three this year. You’ll likely never hear me admit to that again.
I struggled with this self-portrait. Is it a true representation of me at this time? Nope. That’s not my hair, my eyebrows are penciled in … hell, those aren’t even my eyelashes. The bags under my eyes? Yeah, those are mine.
The point is … this is the me I present to the world on a daily basis. I get up, get ready for work, put on my makeup and hair and off I go. The saying “look good, feel good” just couldn’t hold more truth and it’s one of the things that has gotten me through this little battle I’ve been waging. Confidence is a mighty sword and on days when I’ve felt it would be all too easy to give up, hide in a corner and feel sorry for myself, this little ritual has got me up, got me going and kept me moving forward.
So again, is this a true representation of me at this time?
Yes.
It’s the me that’s kicked some pretty good ass all year and come out on the other side, still smiling.
Me, at 43.
Me, happy to say that yes, it’s my birthday.
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Sue
Posted at 16:49h, 04 MarchYou’re gorgeous! Not the hair, not the eyelashes, not the penciled in brows – What I see is determination, the willingness to fight through the tough times, the victory in those incredible eyes, the knowledge that life is fleeting and too precious to waste a moment of by feeling sorry and insecure. I see a woman who is brave and tough, but tender because she understands how fragile she can be if she were to lay down and give in. You’re beautiful because you are Jan, photographer extraordinaire, wife, mother, friend, and vanquisher of self-pity. And you know what, the hair, the eyelashes, the penciled in brows look good because they are on you… It could never be the other way around! Love you!!!
janice
Posted at 16:54h, 04 MarchOh hell SuzyQ … you just made me cry.
You always, ALWAYS say the exact perfect thing.
It’s friends like YOU that get me though. I hope you know how much your friendship and your constant encouragement mean to me.
Love you right back.
xoxo
Sue
Posted at 17:02h, 04 MarchIt comes from my heart, Jan, and flows through my fingertips … Its the best we can do in this digital world, but to know my truest feelings, you only need to read the words. :-) XOXOXOX
shelley young
Posted at 16:53h, 04 MarchJan, this is my very favourite post of all your posts! You’ve come out on the other side of an absolutely terrifying and challenging year and you look fabulous! I can honestly say that when it was your birthday I thought how grateful I was that you were here celebrating another year of, well…..your fabulousness! Love you, girl. xo
PS. You have a great gift for writing…I love your heartfelt yet matter of fact way of conveying your emotions. Your voice is wonderfully appealing. :)
janice
Posted at 16:57h, 04 MarchThanks, my friend. Flatterer :p
I’m happy to be celebrating too!
What a relief, to say the least.
xoxo
Marga
Posted at 16:58h, 04 MarchJanice, maby it is to late but better late then never, congratulations with your birthday. I do hope for you that you can celebrate your birthdays for at least 50 years to come. This is a very good picture of you.
Kind regards,
Marga
janice
Posted at 17:00h, 04 MarchNever too late!
Thank you, SO much :)
Jenn Ovenshire
Posted at 17:18h, 04 MarchYou are such an inspiration to me, Jan! Every day I read your Facebook posts and you have such determination and strength that it just seeps through everything that you do. Happy Birthday again, I hope that every day of every year you can look in the mirror and see yourself as the beautiful, determined person that you are.
janice
Posted at 18:51h, 04 Marchawww … thanks girl.
And YOU have been wonderful with your whole hair thing and donating. Wow.
I have to say, I really prefer the new ‘do! It’s so becoming on you!
Alison
Posted at 17:54h, 04 MarchBeautiful, fabulous, wonderful, conquering you! So so many happy returns of the freaking year, and here’s to so very many more.
xxoo – alison
janice
Posted at 18:52h, 04 March“so many happy returns of the freaking year” made me burst out laughing!!!
Too funny. And so exactly right!
xoxo
Kim Lattimore
Posted at 18:15h, 04 MarchBeautiful, fabulous and all of the words that can be used to describe the courage and inspiration you exude in this self portrait. Happy Birthday, and a thank you for this venue to share and encourage on another in the things we do.
janice
Posted at 18:54h, 04 MarchThank you so much Kim!
Laurie
Posted at 18:26h, 04 MarchHappy birthday Jan. This is a beautiful picture of you, regardless. You’ve been through shit this past year and I apologize for being slow with understanding all of it. I have a good clue what you’ve been through as my sister went through it years ago. It’s scary, it’s hell, it’s ugly! God bless you and I thank him that I’ve met you. I look forward to spending this next year with you. By the way, I have eleven years on you. It scares me how fast time flies, wish I could do my 40’s again. I think they’re the best! Enjoy them, I know you will.
janice
Posted at 18:55h, 04 March40’s have certainly been a mixed bag so far! :)
Thank you, Laurie xoxo
Courtenay
Posted at 19:23h, 04 MarchI wish I could hug you… :)
janice
Posted at 21:07h, 04 Marchawwwww :)
mosey (kim)
Posted at 00:54h, 05 Marchthose are BAM! eyes right there. Determined, vulnerable, strong, tough as nails but kitten soft. I am so glad to know you, and know that are you coming out the other side of your cancer battle with unbelievable grace.
janice
Posted at 20:50h, 05 MarchThanks Kim! ‘Bam!’ made me grin :D
kirstin
Posted at 02:45h, 05 MarchThat’s one heck of a year you just got through!
And still the humour….which I adore you for! x
janice
Posted at 20:51h, 05 MarchAlways! You go crazy without it ;)
Anapiscis
Posted at 02:58h, 05 MarchIt’s sure this year will be much better! Be happy!
janice
Posted at 20:51h, 05 MarchI am :)
marina sorr.
Posted at 04:07h, 05 Marchcongratulations, Janice, for your courage and determination and strength! thank you so much for this post and for sharing your story here and your beautiful self. your sincerity and courage are a very precious gift and inspiration. I am keeping you in my thoughts and sending very warm wishes of health and love and joy and peace for this and many many years ahead!
janice
Posted at 20:51h, 05 MarchThank you Marina. I appreciate that xoxo
trasiegu
Posted at 06:07h, 05 MarchSorry for being late!
[there is a spanish saying: its better late than never, right?]
I hope to see you around for at least another 43!!!! Happy birthday!
[I am very bad at writing things, I would like to have the gift of writing nice things and in a nice way, but I am not a writer, hahaha!]
janice
Posted at 20:52h, 05 MarchIt’s perfect!
Tavia
Posted at 08:01h, 05 MarchWay to go Janice ♥ I have learned a lot from you, thank you! Have a fabulous birthday dahling!!!!!
janice
Posted at 20:53h, 05 MarchThanks Tavia!
And I am constantly entertained with you and Biggs. LOL!
Seriously – that last one with the legs in the air? I need it poster size :)
Barbara
Posted at 13:32h, 07 MarchJan, I’m so behind on things lately and feel bad I’m late in saying “Happy Birthday!!” But I wish it from the bottom of my heart (I think we should celebrate birthdays all year long, especially after 40, and twice as much after 50!) You are beautiful and so strong. Thanks for giving us this place to share the beauty we find in life, and in doing so, find even more, like people like you! I’m hoping things will slow down for me enough to link up again but my days just fly by and I’m always a step behind. But I’m going to try harder!
janice
Posted at 12:47h, 10 MarchDon’t beat yourself up! Jump in whenever you like :)
Jan
Posted at 14:24h, 07 MarchYou seem to be such a beautiful person inside and that’s what counts. You’ve taken care of the other stuff (outside) and might I say …you look very pretty. I really need to find out where you bought your wig.
janice
Posted at 13:05h, 10 MarchAt a shop here in Toronto :)
Gwen
Posted at 23:45h, 08 MarchYou look wonderful! And you’re coming out on top, you really are. I have the feeling that you’ll be seeing plenty more birthdays, and they can still be all about you. I’m glad you took the time for this self portrait, it’s perfect.
Thanks for the fun prompt. I didn’t get a chance to get my photos blogged or in the pool in time, but I had fun capturing my J kids before the week ended. :)
janice
Posted at 13:04h, 10 MarchThanks so much, Gwen. I’m hoping so!
mony
Posted at 11:57h, 09 MarchJ
you make forties look A M A Z I N G!!!
xoxoxoxo
wishing you the best wishes!
sending you light and love
M
janice
Posted at 12:52h, 10 MarchGIRL!!! where have you BEEN???!!!
Alex
Posted at 00:27h, 10 MarchI am so happy you’re here this birthday. And you are gorgeous underneath all you present to us. Xoxoxox
janice
Posted at 12:52h, 10 MarchThanks Alex
xoxo